Nukey the Microwave, 8.5, passed away today in Austin, Texas of old age.

Nukey was purchased at Wal-Mart in 2007. He spent a rich, full life bringing a myriad of comestibles from a lowered state of thermal activity into the joyous condition of edibility, and was much beloved by all for his lifelong ethic of expeditious alacrity and convenience. He will be missed.

Nukey is survived by his siblings Brewy, Toasty, and Blendy. A private service will be held on June 6, 2015.